I sincerely announce that this blog would be gone for goodddddddd...

watched transformers!!! totally love it... anyway baby sis said that i shd move on to a more mature blog, like livejournal instead of blogspot... =(.. awwww.. really tat childish meh.. like zhu tou xiao wan zi.. anyway, i did ever get a chance when i was young to be pampered my friends or to be childish.. mum always tell me, u got to grow up fast and take care of yr sister.. hahah..

anyway got a message from my cousin.. the way she put things although its not my fault, i kinda feel very sad that she is experiencing all this nonsense, of cos all the things tat happen to her is not she wan de, but just bcos another cousin failed her.. doesnt mean i will do the same thing, y does she have to sweep everyone and wanna be alone, i know she is lonely, wanna care for her.. but everytime she pushes me away it hurts lo.. then need to thicken my skin n go talk to her.. haix.. i hate myself for being so emotional.. letting anything and everything drive my mood like crazy and super sad.. but its ok.. life goes on. i will be stronger.. afterall what doesnt kill me will only make me stronger...

tatazz...

I realised I have a very big weaknesses

That is as long as a person that I like says something negative abt me I will be very upset =(, doesn't matter if its a girl or guy, sister, family members,cousin or friends, as long as I like them, n for me to hear a negative comment abt myself from them would damage me =( haiz

Had the best dream in a long while on sat, haha very sweet n simple dream but so romantic, dreamt of myself lying in the arms of a guy =) sleeping.. kekek.. comfort dream la... nothing else, it was just tat simple and safe environment =)

Haha.. a crush is forever tat beautiful =)

Kind of lazy to update blog nowadays

Semester has finished

Grandmother health has not been good, but I believe GOD will take care of her

Can have free time to myself

Starting to enjoy life and people around me, rather than being bother abt getting attached or detached or whatever.. heee heee...

Ps: I wanna lose weight, ever since i stop gym i gained a whopping 5 kg, *drop jaw* ya... Lolz...

I am stressed enuff with work studies and relationships how i wished i could end it all

Then mommie have been giving me a lot of pressure by commenting about how good biaojie treats her family, buying facial products for her mother and giving her $500 to do her cash. Ya, so wat does she expect me to do??? I guess is to give her money, i give her allowance every mth n recenty a part of my bonus, y does she have to compare, maybe i am not such a good daughter after all in her eyes, maybe i just cant manage the expectations she has on me? All these years, I think she has alot of expectations on me and yep I think that i am cracking...

such a crack pot -.- everything just doesnt goes right

So I am sorry for being such a unfillial daughter or a daughter that cant meet her expectations, but I am trying hard to!!! but anyway i think i am worth more after my death with DPS and my insurance, Lolx... She thinks that i have changed but to me its just a way of me that is crying out that i can no longer take it and so I am speaking my mind out??? or should i remain as the quiet daughter, watever u throw to me i received with both hands??? I am swarmed... I know she sacrificed alot, i know that she is a good mom.. at my wits end.... I am suffocating =(

On the other hand, I guess its just me veing disappointed at myself, knowing how much my mother sacrifice for me, knowing of how other people treat their mothers and I am unable to provide such a life for my mother hurts me, i remembered my promise to my mum when i was young, saying tat i will earn money to stay in a condo n buy bird nest for her every month so tat she can be pretty pretty, growing up makes me realised that talk is cheap, doing that is actually not tat easy =(,I am ashamed and guilty of not letting my mum lead a better life after all she sacrificed for me.. Hais.. I am just such a failure in .... everything

I am a die heart romantic

But I have just realised that maybe love is not everything on a simple bed of roses?

Why cant there just be someone that is willingly to "spoil" me, I dun request for my other half to be very handsome or earn alot, just sufficient for himself, to take care of the household and to spoil me a bit here n there wun be to ask for much right? Or at least have the maturity of mindset, or how would I be able to discuss things with him or even regard him as a soulmate, for me, its essential for guys to be a bit ambitious and have a mind of their own and be practical or not wish for the stars.. hais.. tat difficult? Financial stability, if they cant even support themselves, how to start a family or home? impractical =(

Is the guys these days too weak or egoistic till that they fall in love with xiao long nus, cos they know how to act weak and be weak, so ultimately a guy wanna feel supreme over his other half and have one that whims n whines??

Well, i guess i should stay off relationships for a while, till I find that special someone or a soulmate. The guys that I have been with are all quite disappointing -_-.. well better luck next time, just leave it to GOD ba...